Twelve Days of Christmas: Day Eight

Here's a couple more retro holiday ads for your enjoyment.  I'll keep refrain from the glib comments this time around.  Enjoy!

Twelve Days of Christmas: Day Two

Two morally questionable retro ads for today's Christmas offering...

  Santa hocking cigarettes?  No it's just Alan Hale, father of Gilligan's Island's Skipper.  But doesn't he look just like Santa.  He's obviously very classy with his cigarette holder.  He's probably a big Holly Golightly fan.  And look, Coke isn't the only company who uses Santa's image to decorate their packaging.  Way to go Chesterfield. 

Oh look, it's 1963's NRA poster family.  These squares don't hold a candle to Red Rider.  Clearly this mother isn't worried about her kids shooting their eye out. I wonder why the middle child gets a double barreled shot gun?  Mom and Dad have probably just gotten through with reading one of those Pinko books on middle-child syndrome. 

Check-Out These Awesome Pin-up Glasses!

Isn't this the best retro ad for George Petty pin-up glasses?  Judging from the font and style of the ad this has to be from from the mid-to-late fifties.  I can just imagine a bunch of blue collar Joes smoking cigars, playing a game of poke using pornographic playing cards (at least as pornographic as playing cards got in those days) drinking hi-balls from these glasses.  Wouldn't it be great to track down a set of these?

Me-thinks I have a date with e-bay...

Lucky Strike - What Everyone Wants to Find Under the Tree

That's right people, what wholesome well adjusted family doesn't want to get a pack of Luckies under the tree? Apparently in the good old days, it was completely acceptable to give and receive cases of cigarettes for Christmas.  If you've ever done a search of vintage Christmas advertising about 65% of the results are for major cigarette companies (major back in the day that is).  They've got Santa smoking Chesterfields, Bing Crosby in a Santa hat proclaiming the thrill he gets from Marlboros, and as in the case of the advertisement to left beautiful Hollywood star in their holiday finery with some cigarette paraphernalia.  Well if Joan Crawford's cigarettes don't kill the kids she can always beat them with some wire hangers. 

Below is a vintage Lucky Strike commercial, featuring a wholesome, bubbly woman proclaiming the joys of giving Lucky Strikes as a Christmas present.  Imagine ten packs of cigarettes in a box specially designed by Raymond Loewy- you don't even need to wrap it.  It can go straight from the gas station convenience store to under the tree.  She's even got a happy little ditty- doesn't it just make you want to take up smoking.

Those of you who are into Mad Men (Lucky Strike is a huge advertising account on the show) this is kind of stuff that ad agencies were actually coming up with in those days.   

Retro Ad #5 - Think Pink!

In today's sampling of retro ads, I've found a pair of print advertisements from the late sixties; both for Lustre Creme shampoo and both proclaiming that pink is for girls.  Yup, before it became the international hue of  breast cancer, pink was all about selling lustre creme shampoo.  Personally, I've never been a big fan of pink and the bold statement that pink is for girls would have sent me running to the Breck shampoo section (another vintage brand of shampoo).

I do like the bright graphics surrounding our lady lovely locks in these two pictures, but the colour of the bottle makes me think that using Lustre Creme would be akin to using Mr. Bubble in your hair (both bottles are the exact same bubble gum pink colour).  Moving away from the colours and to the model featured in both ads- doesn't she bare an uncanny resemblance to Audrey Hepburn?  I've been scouring the Internet to see if that actually is Ms. Hepburn, but have come up empty handed.  I certainly can't see Audrey Hepburn, who would have been in her mid-to-late thirties by this point would agree to sitting in a barrel and using a phone as a loofah.  Mind you, people have done stranger things for money.

Retro Commercial #2: Respond Hairspray

Here we have it ladies, a window into the mind of a man on a blind date.   Apparently, all men can think about is the texture of our hair - and sticky hair is out.  This commercial leads us to believe that  this was the cause of all single women's woes in the early sixties.  However, the people of Respond have finally found a way to harness the power of protein to make sure that these women have perfect flips.  Enjoy!

Retro Ad #4 - Buy War Bonds - Get a House and Gold Digger

This poster is a bit of an oddity from the days of World War  II, when the easiest way to provide support to the war effort, was buying war bonds.  For those who are unacquainted with the world of war bond, they were documents issued by the government  promising inflated financial returns in the years beyond a country's imminent victory in war, in exchange for money.  This money was used to finance a country's war effort, and the influx of cash was also used as a means to control inflation by taking money out of circulation.  Canada, the United States, and Germany all had war bond programs during the first and second world wars.

While most North American war bond posters usually portrayed various glorious battlefield scenes or scenes from the war effort back at home, this one is just bizarre.  It features characters from Li'l Abner comic strips, who were very popular in the day.  Li'l Abner featured a cast of hillbilly characters, who speak in a barely recognizable form of english and, for the purposes of the world at the time, are on the war bond bandwagon.  However, according to this advertisement, war bonds are more a means to get a hot babe and a house and less about helping the war effort.

The most perplexing thing about this poster is not the message, but the goings on in the background of the illustration.  Why is that old woman with the corncob pipe holding that old man upside down and cutting his toenails?  What does that have to do with war bonds?  I get Daisy Mae in a classic pin-up pose, but was the toenail thing a recurring thing in the comic strip?  I'm also amused by the old woman's high heeled boots.  If not for the boots I would have though she was a man.

Eight Day Halloween Advent Calendar - Three More Days...

Only three more days left, and today I have a retro advertisement from the mid-sixties, for Hidden Magic Hairspray.

It looks like the folks at the Hidden Magic company decided to go very literal equating their product with witchcraft.  However, the inclusion of a women in a pointy witch hat, covering the very hair that we are to assume she used Hidden Magic on seems pretty counter-intuitive if you're trying to sell hairspray.  I'm not a fan of the cape that she's wearing either since it pretty much blends into the background and makes it very difficult to figure out what she's doing.  From that darling at the end of her sentence it would seem that the Hidden Magic witch talks like Zsa Zsa Gabor.

But at least there's the handy three paned demo of the hidden magic's powers on the bottom of the page to show us the way.  You too can make your bangs look like a croissant.

Eight Day Halloween Advent Calendar - Seven More Days...

Today's surprise in our Halloween advent calendar is this little gem of an ad, from way back in 1955.

I chose it because I'm a sucker for food related puns.  I had no idea that anthropomorphic corn stalks fed off the blood of Milky Way Bars.  And what about that slightly menacing clown child looming behind ol' Corny?

  Perhaps this was the prototype for It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, but in this version instead of waiting all night in a pumpkin patch, kids have to make a caramel filled sacrifice to the Great Corn Stalk (who incidentally only has one tooth left, the rest casualties of too many Halloween nights eating himself into a diabetic coma).

I already like my version better.

Retro Ad #3: Creepy Pumpkin Patch Family For Dan River (circa. 1960)

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving everyone!

In the spirit of the season I've found this gem of an ad from 1960.  It comes from Dan River an American clothing and textile manufacturer and as you can see it has a pair of mothers posing with their children in front of hundreds of pumpkins.  Of course, without any text there's no way of telling what this add is actually for.  My first guess would be pumpkins but I guess all the gingham, plaid, and pearls would guide my second guess to clothing.  Gotta dig the flower pot hat that the lady on the right is sporting.  And the lace detailing on the pockets of the little girl's dress.

Speaking of the people in this ad, especially the lady on the right, don't they all have a creepy spaced out expression.  It's almost like they are try to hypnotize onlookers into joining their polyester clad pumpkin patch dwelling cult.  Join us... join us... join us...  On second thought don't look directly into their eyes.

Since there's no title on the ad I think I'll add my own.  How about Pod People of the Pumpkin Patch?  The Perilous Posse of Pumpkin Grove?  Ah... they don't really do justice do they?  Enjoy your turkeys and pumpkin pies!

Retro Ad #2: Blue Jay Corn Plasters (circa. 1945)

I don't know where to begin with this one.  A lady blissfully prancing in her pretty pink bra and matching bloomers; completely barefoot.  I know when I see this the first thing I think about is corn removal.  Apparently the talking heads at her feet all have corns on the brain as well.  Or at least corn relief.

Seriously, I'm not sure if the advertisers were trying to go for the sex appeal angle, but let's face it there's nothing sexy about overgrown foot calluses.  Not to mention the fact that the majority of people who suffer from corns are women who wear ill-fitting high-heeled shoes, I don't see how a shoeless nubile women in her underwear is would entice a woman to buy their treatment.  But then what do I know.

Retro Commercial #1: Bobbi Hair Product

Here's a fun specimen of a 1950s commercial.  If you knew how to make a pin curl you could use "Bobbi" to make your own version of a homemade perm.  I can't imagine what this stuff would have really done to your hair, but if the actress' hair is any indication, not that much.  All the effort of putting pin-curls in one's hair just to get one flip on either side of the head hardly seems worth it.    You have to love the corny lounge singer at the end singing about home hair permanents, though.  Classic stuff!

Retro Ad #1: B.V.D Slim Trim Swim Trunks

Hey All!  On the unofficial final day of summer I thought that I would find a retro ad with the summer spirit....

Behold B.V.D Slim Trim Swim Suits, control-top swim trunks for the well dressed beach bum of 1941.  According to this add, not only do these trunks offer "figure-form control," but they also help "support your muscles, giving greater energy, new pep and vim."  You also have to like the three tiers of figure-type design the use the whole military theme - something very topical in 1941.

It's kind of hilarious to think of men, especially the stereotypical, stoic men of the forties being that concerned with their figure, but I guess it goes to show that vanity affects both genders throughout history.  I also find it funny that the copywriters managed to use the word vim, not once, but twice. I think vim will be the next word that I rescue from obscurity.